Honesty

Self-reflection, as defined by Google, is a form of meditation or serious thought about one's character, actions, and motives.

As I have moved through the process of grieving and the desire to understand grief, self-reflection has come into play.

For so long, my body has been ready to fight, fight doctors, nurses, family members, fighting for peace (a polarizing idea).

Think about a boxer, their feet constantly bouncing and moving, their hands up, protecting their face, anticipating, and trying to protect. That was me - all the time.

I was always in a state of fight; I rarely relaxed. That kind of stress on your body is exhausting.

There are so many moments I found myself clenching my jaw, holding my breath, staring off into space, which eventually caused tension headaches and exhaustion.

The one thing that got me through was my faith that God does have good things in store for me. That through my pain, I may be able to bring comfort to others who are experiencing the same.

As I look back on who I was and who I am now, I am a different person. Loss changes you, grief changes you, and people matter deeply to me. Silas and I are incredibly blessed to be deeply loved by our family and friends, and I do believe God has good things for us.